Two pictures today from a visit to Port Sunlight on saturday. Port Sunlight is a garden village which was founded in 1888 by William Hesketh Lever, a successful soap manufacturer, to house his soap factory workers. In line with his ideas on prosperity-sharing, the building maintenance and upkeep of the village was subsidised with a portion of the profits from Lever Brothers Limited. With his own money, Lever financed the church, technical institute and the Lady Lever Art Gallery. Lever took great pleasure in helping to plan this picturesque garden village and he employed nearly thirty different architects to create its unique style.

Phil and I celebrated our wedding at an evening reception at Hulme Hall in Port Sunlight. We always enjoy a visit here. The houses are lovely and all different. It's a great place to walk around and photograph.

There is also a beautiful art gallery, the Lady Lever, which has an excellent cafe!

I have had a busy day today although I seem to have spent lots of it on the phone talking to various people. I managed a long walk this morning, with lots of thinking time - something I always relish.

One song I kept listening to on my MP3 player was Bette Midler's "From a distance" - i find it really inspiring. This is my favourite verse....

From a distance you look like my friend,

even though we are at war.

From a distance I just cannot comprehend

what all this fighting is for.



From a distance there is harmony,

and it echoes through the land.

And it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves,

it's the heart of every man.

Two results of some more experimenting I've been doing with my camera. I'm lucky to have friends who are willing to patiently explain things to me over and over (thanks T and J) and of course P who is such help too when he has the time!

I spoke to K in Canada last night. I was lucky to catch her just prior to her going down for surgery to put some stents in her lungs to help her breathing. She is sounding so much better - much more her old self! She was really chatty despite being fed up with a month-long hospital stay. She's hoping to go home by the end of next week.

Thanks everyone for the prayers and positive thoughts sent K's way. I have told her that people all over the world have been thinking of her and she really believes that all the support she has has got her through yet another crisis.

We are off to my in-laws for a roast dinner :) I love roast dinner if I'm not cooking.

P and I spent some time today photographing the bunch of tulips he gave me on Wednesday. The morning flew by! Wish we could just spend all our weekends taking photos and not doing housework!

In the afternoon we bought some black material for me to use as a backdrop and some other black stuff to cover the table on the next craft fair we do. We got the list of forthcoming fairs through this morning and are trying to decide which ones to go to.

We made a brief stop at Port Sunlight Village and took a couple of shots.

S rode very well on Domino this afternoon. They jumped a course of three fences as they were in the big indoor school.

My eye is still hurting but I've been bathing it in hot salt water which seems to have helped.

Happy catblogging Friday!

Ok, I'm cheating as this is certainly a cat but not a domestic one. i had a busy day today and could not get a shot of either Ollie or Shea that was any good. This pic was taken in South Lakes Wild Animal Park.

I have a very painful lump on my left eye that is getting steadily worse. It hurts to blink and it hurts when I'm trying to take photos - what a disaster, I planned to take lots of photos this weekend!

I really admire a fellow blogger (AB's) humourous photos using a "family" of little wooden figures. As well as being so funny and at times almost surreal. I think they are such a great way of practising photography techniques like lighting, DOF etc. So I've been inspired to have a go at doing something similar myself although I doubt I can be as inventive as she is! This is the first photo we took, to introduce the Woodys :)

My friend and partner in crime JS was also intrigued by the idea and we discovered these two guys on sale on the Net. We decided to name them after our husbands - maybe we liked the idea that we could make THIS P & A do EXACTLY what we wanted!Anyway, we had a lot of fun last night and I also learned quite a lot. I'm so grateful to my friends who take time to teach me about photography. It's ok to read things in a book but much better if you can actually practice yourself with someone on hand to help you out.

For P on Valentine's Day
Let My Shadow
Disappear Into Yours
Par Lagerkvist

Let my shadow disappear into yours.
Let me lose myself
under the tall trees,
that themselves lose their crowns in the twilight,
surrendering themselves to the sky and the night.


P is in London today; he left early and will be back late! But my day started with a kiss from S as she wished her mum a happy Valentine's Day.

I enjoyed seeing C last night. For once we talked almost exclusively about work. Working in the library service you certainly meet a huge variety of people with an equally huge variety of needs and desires and problems.

I'm getting my hair cut later and the girls are getting their ears pierced. Again. I think they are a bit young but they are determined. I guess my own multiple ear piercings are acting against me here! They will not listen to my protestations that I was 21 before I got my second set of holes.

I was going to write down some musings on love etc but the kitten just came in, farted noisily and pungently RIGHT IN MY FACE and sort of put me off!!

This is another flower from the photo session with T yesterday. I can't really take much credit for it!!

Today didn't start so well with and I've been sad pretty much the whole day. I feel annoyed with myself as my mood has meant I've been distracted and haven't achieved much - basically I've wasted a day; and a day I'll never get back. It seems wrong somehow.I've also been worrying about T who sees the surgeon today.

Still, I'm visiting C tonight - we are going out for a drink (Diet Coke for me as I'm driving!) and I'm looking forward to catching up on her news.

Will try and not let tomorrow go to waste. My friend JS has set me a challenge to do with apertures and a set of chessmen to photograph so maybe I'll have a go at that.

Today is a sad day! After a lovely but short visit to T in Leeds I started for home only to get a phone call from P. Our elderly cat Tiggy was failing fast and Phil had decided to take him to the vet. I managed to get to the vet just in time to see him handing a very small, towel wrapped bundle to P. Tiggy is dead.

We all left the vets in tears. Tiggy was 19. He was a real rebel all his life; never fully litter trained and the list of his accidents (never truly accidental) around the house is exceedingly long. Noisy, voracious of appetite and affectionate on his own terms, a dribbler and a handsome beast, he was one of a kind. I shall miss him greatly. Although I won't miss the "heaps" he left so often in the most awkward of places.

We have buried him in the garden. Sleep well, old fella xxxx

Photo by P

Sunday February 12th

While visiting my friend T we watched a movie called "In her shoes". The movie was ok but the highlight for me was the recitation of this poem which i had not heard before but think is beautiful.

T helped me with this carnation photo.

i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)


ee cummings

Pillars

After reading Kaycee's blog entry on people who are "Pillars of Faith" in her life I was thinking of the pillars that support my own life so strongly.

My local friends - the "Helsby Coven" of which JW, MG and AW are
such shining lights - who have helped me out countless times, cheered me up and generally made life so much brighter. The mad nights out we've shared and the the laughs we've had. The long country walks when we set the world to rights. Where would I be without these ladies?

My colleagues and workmates and library patrons - too numerous to mention. People I admire for their dedication which often far outweighs mine - people who have supported me through difficult times and who have made going to work a source of comfort in times of need as well as a lot of fun!!

Those friends from abroad, met via the Internet. K in Canada, A and family in California, Kaycee herself, J in Las Vegas, T in Germany, S in Kansas - they maybe do not know just how they have enriched my life and how they have taught me that friendship is not just a matter of proximity.

My friends on the Photographers Corner - I don't think i would ever have developed my love of photography without the encouragement of online photography forums. My "boss" A and fellow admin M, the Mods and the members all inspire, advise, encourage and motivate me so much.

And then those friends I can't classify - C and C, both godparents to my eldest; JS who makes me laugh to the point of near disaster and writes poems for all the family, AS who is wise, compassionate and astute, TS who faces an uncertain future with a courage I can't describe, RG, former fiancee turned friend, and T who I seem to have known for ever!

P, K and S, my family.You put up with me - and I'm so grateful!!

And those people whose blogs I visit - it's a privilege to get a glimpse into your lives and one of the highlights of my day.

It's catblogging Friday again; can hardly believe another week has gone!

I struggled to edit this pic of Shea on the sofa as we seem to have PS Elements 5 now. I had just got used to 4 and now I'm lost. The worst thing is, it does not seem to have an undo button! So if I correct the colour, don't like it and want to go back - I can't. I had to keep starting over. I'm sure there is a way to undo an action but if there is I can't see it - duh!

Very cold at work today as our heating wasn't working. K was off sick with S's bug but does not seem to have it so badly. Fingers crossed P & I don't get it, as I'm supposed to be visiting my friend in Leeds on Sunday.

S is feeling better today. She had a decent sleep.

It's a beautiful sunny day today but I'm confined to the house looking after S. I've been doing the usual boring chores and have just broken off from a heap of ironing to post in my blog.

This is another picture from Sunday at Ness Gardens. P has taught me to look for details to photograph. I liked the way the ivy was clinging to the tree so firmly and yet so gracefully.

I have just signed up for Cancer Research's Race for Life 2007. A group of us from our village do this each year. I don't actually run as my arthritis won't allow but I always try to beat my own time. Last year was a struggle. I was in so much pain near the start I thought I might have to drop out. However, with the support of my friends i was able to finish. There is a wonderful atmosphere on these events - everyone is helping everyone else on.

Since the race last year, a friend lost a daughter to cancer,my friend K's mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and another friend received a cancer diagnosis only this week. It makes me realise how precious life is and how much we need to cherish every day.

I have a sick child today. S started vomiting last night at around midnight and continued hourly until around 5 am. In between she groaned LOTS. We didn't get much sleep. Poor girl is still very weak and uncomfortable today and can't keep anything down. There is a nasty virus going round the village - I just hope we all don't get it.

When I went out to get a bucket for her from the garage the kitten escaped and vanished into the snowy darkness! I called and searched for ages; P came down with a torch but no luck - eventually we located him in next doors garden. I was frozen by the time I got back indoors.



We got a little snow last night. Most has melted but i took a few quick photos in the garden. My toe (which had the wight dropped on it!) has turned purple and is very painful. Funny how something so small can hurt so much! I have a thumping headache too; which i'm hoping is only the result of no sleep and not the start of the same virus S has picked up!



I am thinking of two dear friends today; for whom this is a sad anniversary. They have both lost so much and both have personal battles to fight. I love them both very much and also admire them greatly.

Quite a busy day today - went to aerobics and swimming with A and M, then grocery shopping at Tesco. Someone dropped a 3 kilo weight on my left foot and my toes are really hurting!

After lunch I tried taking some more flower photos with some advice from T. I used a black t-shirt as a BG but it was hard to concentrate as the men arrived to replace our aerial. Anyway, I managed to take some pics but my tulips weren't being very co-operative! I was shooting in RAW for the first time which should be interesting.

I took this photo yesterday in Ness. I liked the rich colour which really caught fire in the sunlight.

P and JS are off to their photography club tonight so I'll have a quiet night to catch up on a few things or maybe just have a look at the photos I took today.

P was out early with a friend taking photos in North Wales. I was also awake early, 4 am to be precise, phoning K in Canada. She sounded a bit brighter today.

When P returned we went to Costco to buy new tyres for my car. I have spent well over £1000 on it in the last two weeks. We then drove to Ness Gardens on the Wirral as the day was so lovely. Desite the fact that it's so early in the year there was lots to see and some beautiful colours. There were plenty of snowdrops out and lots of signs of budding life on many of the shrubs and plants. P and I took loads of photos and the girls were very patient considering how long it took to get round. Afterwards we treated them to cake in the cafe. I'm looking forward to returning to Ness many times as the garden returns to life over the next few months.

I recently posted a photo of my desk at so i thought I'd include one of my desk at home too.

Happy catblogging Friday. This is our cat Ollie. I didn't take this photo: P did using his new Nikon D8O. Ollie is quite fat and very lazy. He likes to stretch out on top of the TV and thinks that the newfangled flat screen TVs are terrible inventions!

K is being treated for a bad virus but the doctors are more hopeful than earlier this week. thanks to everyone who has been praying for K or simply sending her positive thoughts.

Thinking of K......

I bought a box of primulas to plant in my garden but edecided to take some photos first.After an hour of effort there was only one I liked.Sometimes I despair!
It seems the doctors have not given up on my friend. They are going to try an aggresive form of treatment in the hope they can then perform surgery to ease her breathing. I am praying this works.
I went walking with M today. It's a grey, dull sort of day which suits my mood. I'm going to plant my flowers now then get stuck into my chores.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for K or simply sending her positive thoughts. My dear, dear friend has been told the doctors can do no more for her surgically. They cannot put shunts in her lungs as her bronchial tubes are collapsing but they are continuing with intravenous medication. I am told they do not expect her to regain her strength.

My brave girl is I am sure fighting as hard as she can. As she always has done.

Shades of grey

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I have just heard that my dear friend K in Canada has been airlifted to hospital in Edmonton. The doctors think she is rejecting her lungs. She is very, very sick. My throat hurts with the effort of holding back my tears. This photo is for her. A striped carnation can mean "Sorry I can't be with you."

As Friday is catblogging day, here is a photo of Shea in the tissue box in the study. I'm glad the weekend is here although we haven't a lot planned. I took some flower photos last night that i'd like to spend some time looking at and editing. i have some stuff to do on the Corner as well.

This is the enquiry desk at work where I spend a lot of time. This week we've been clearing out a lot of our CD stock. Not many people borrow CDs these days. I guess downloading music is more popular. Talking books and DVDs are getting loads of issues however.

I went for a walk with M this morning. I really enjoyed it although the roads were slick with ice. We met a woman out for a walk with 2 springer spaniels. I remembered all the walks I'd taken with just Charlie for company.

On Monday a friend phoned me and I was feeling shivery, so i went and sat in the dark in K's room with my back against the radiator and the door pushed shut. After a few minutes I thought I heard a little metallic noise and the door moved slightly. I fully expected Charlie to come in. He always used to follow me around the house! If he'd still been alive he'd have come in and settled down next to me even if he thought I was nuts sitting in the dark talking on the phone!! I do miss him!!!

I really like to take showers in the dark. P thinks this is really weird.

Thanks for the comments on my blue pics. The photo Pat mentioned is just about my favourite ever - apart from my Charlie pic. I took it on the compact and I've had it printed and framed and I think it looks pretty good. I gave it to a dear friend and she has it on her wall!!

I am always drawn to pictures with blue in them. I don't know why. Kaycee has inspired me to start a sort of "blue gallery" and I'm really excited about the idea. Thanks K :)

I really look forward to seeing everyone's photo blogs. I'm not taking a photo a day like you are but I'm trying to use a photo that fits with each blog entry I make and that is allowing me to look at some of my photos with fresh eyes!

For kaycee - my colour is blue

The bottom picture is one of the earliest I ever took and it's a window panel in the Metropolitan Cathedral of Christ the King in Liverpool.

Thetop is some wood behind the famous Rialto Bridge in Venice. Phil was taking pictures of the Grand Canal and I was bored, turned and looked the other way and saw this.

Blue is so variable - like me.

I always like to look at the sea, and I think that's something i do when I need to find peace or to sort out something that worries me. Looking out to sea makes me feel lots of things - awe, for one. My dad always used to say he felt closer to God far out in the ocean than he ever did in a church.

The ship in the photo is not the type of merchant vessel my dad captained. His ships were comparatively small and of course navigation methods were totally different in those days. Dad was always my hero - and I never look at the sea without thinking of him.

The other picture makes me think of loneliness; the sort of loneliness we all feel at times. However close we are to others I think there's always this consciousness that we are all separate beings steering our own course. And it also makes me think of solitude - not the same as loneliness but something I find essential just to survive.

Sometimes you just happen across something that makes you stop and think. That just happened to me.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18

Busy day at work today. I spent a lot of the afternoon and evening in a state of mild panic about a friend, needlessly as it turns out. I worry so much it's ridiculous.

The terrible gales damaged our roof. It also took me 3 hours to make the 40-minute trip home yesterday due to the motorway being closed for safety reasons. I'm really tired and i'm working tomorrow. P didn't get home from London until today. there were no trains so he had to stay overnight.

Today's picture is a rainbow in the Lake District. Whenever i see one i think of Judy Garland singing "Over the rainbow". It's so sad and yet so beautiful - that yearning and pathos and longing in her voice. It's a song that makes me feel happy and sad all at the same time.

I have a headache so it's time to stop looking at the PC and have a cuppa.

Another Cathedral image - I've done more editing on this than I usually do.

I have a new obsession - sushi! To be honest I never fancied eating it but on Monday I bought some as I could not face another chilled, damp pre-packed sandwich for lunch. To my amazement I loved it. i had sushi for lunch yesterday and -guess what- am having sushi again today. My friend Kaycee was talking about pleasures in life today. I like to discover new pleasures as well as enjoying old favourites - so here are some random ones from my life:
A new diary with all those blank pages waiting to be filled.
A movie with Doris Day and Rock Hudson
A cup of tea at those times only a cuppa will do.
Watching my daughter S riding horses
My kitten snuggling up on my shoulder and the sound of his purr
Sushi!
A text from a friend
A long walk
Saying "I love you"
Starting a new book by a favourite author
The memory of my mum's smile

Ferry 'cross the Mersey
My friend T had the idea of taking this view through a porthole. I copied her! we had a lovely day on the river and this reminds me of it. I'm thinking of her a lot and hope she feels better soon.

I posted this photo on the Corner; and an eagle-eyed watcher at once spotted a stray green pixel I hadn't noticed! I have no idea where it came from...outer space maybe?? Anyway, I was talked through the process of using the "HEAL" tool to get rid of it and here's the result. This was originally one of my discarded photos from the Cathedral shoot but I'm happy with the way it turned out in the end.

Today is actually sunny and after lunch S and I are going to the Zoo. P & K are off to watch Everton and my mother in law is too poorly for our company so it's the Zoo for us.

it's so good to see the sun but it shows up all the winter grime in the house. i guess I should be cleaning but it's a shame to waste the nice weather. We'll be back in time to roast a chicken, watch "Seabiscuit" on DVD and for me to get stuck into the ironing.

I am enjoying seeing the PAD blogs of some friends. I'm not going to even attempt this but will certainly try to take and upload more photos for my blog.

This Shea asleep on our windowsill. we are letting him out alone and it makes me very nervous. He's such a lovely cat! I have never known a cat as loving as this one!

S rode a big dun called George today; she did really well. George was very gentle and stood for ages just pushing his nose into my hand LOL. I am determined that this week I need to give the Riding for the Disabled Organisation a call about volunteering. I miss being around horses so much (that's the selfish part!) but I would also like to help an organisation that gives so much fun and pleasure to people. Anyway, that's my aim for the week...to ring and see if they would like my help!

Well, my small lump has been removed quite painlessly and is off to the lab to be checked but the doctor is sure it is ok. I'm glad it's gone as the itching was driving me crazy.

I had a lovely evening yesterday. We watched the film "Pillow talk" and then played with my friends husband's new Nintendo "Wii" game - it was great although i was self-conscious at first. I won at bowling - YAY!!

Time for a walk, i think.

I am feeling more positive today! Long may the feeling last.

Work has been busy but ok. This afternoon our system crashed but luckily wasn't down for long. As usual we are short staffed; four people off from the usual staff. I like to be busy however.

P is very depressed about work; his boss has decided he and another team leader need to swap teams. No real reason for this except for the sheer hell of it apparently. Also the boss he likes is moving on and the boss he replaced is returning. I feel so sorry for him; he works so hard and puts in such long hours but things never qite work out the way he'd like them to. Poor guy rang me today to say he was working from home tomorrow so could take me for my operation - unless it was at 2.30 when he was dialling into a voice conference. well, my appointment IS for 2.30 but it's the thought that counts!! At least he can drive me there and he's not far away if the knife slips and they sever an artery! (see what I mean about being positive LOL) I will be glad when the operation is done as this growth is so bloody itchy and I'm scared I'll forget and scratch it really hard - ugh.

Lets hope the night is less stormy tonight - neither of us got much sleep. I always tend to stress about stuff when I'm semi-awake and that's when I lose my sense of proportion.

I am desperate to take some more photos; hopefully there will be some opportunities this weekend.

I went out and bought glucosamine & cod-liver oil tablets yesterday plus some stronger pain killers and I must really give the former a chance to work by taking ir regularily as so many people have told me this actually works.

I saw my doctor today and I need a small growth removing from my back. It's minor surgery and is happening on Friday afternoon. The worst part is I can't bath or shower until the stitches come out 5 days later which means I'll be sponging myself down - ugh.

I feel a bit less hopeless today. I talked to some friends yesterday - had a good cry with one of them - and a bit of a laugh later on with the others. Both really helped in different ways. One of the biggest blessings in my life is the wonderful friends I have around me.

I spoke to my friend in Canada last night; she is back in hospital but sounded a bit better than the last time we talked. As usual it was wonderful just to hear her voice.

I got POTD on the Corner today (for the pic above!) which was a nice surprise. I love my camera so much and I love taking photos too.

I better do some housework!

I am feeling terribly ill this morning. This latest flare up of my arthritis is really bad but the accompanying depression is worse than usual - combined perhaps with the post-holiday blues and maybe even my age (as J at work keeps reminding me, maybe I'm menopausal - lovely thought!)

I'm sleeping badly as i can't get comfortable and the pain killers wear off in the early hours. My thoughts are disturbed and troubled too so when i do wake I'm kept awake by worry and anxiety. Will I ever know any peace in my own thoughts?

I called this online diary the "Compulsive Worrier" on impulse and as a sort of joke but maybe it's life immitating art - my worrying seems to be getting worse not better!

At times I wonder; why do I keep writing this? I think it's because here I don't have to maintain a facade. I don't have to put on a cheerful front and laugh about things. I don't have to worry that this diary will stop liking me if it knows how I really feel so much of the time!

The worst of this crippling unhappiness is there is no obvious cause - ok, i have my worries and anxieties like everyone else but they don't add up to this huge cloud of grief and oppression. I am a lucky person; I have a wonderful life. I know this in my heart and in my mind; why can't i sustain that knowledge against this senseless gloom? In addition to everything else i feel angry with myself that i'm ungrateful and undeserving of the good things in my life!

I am off to the doctor tomorrow I think as I have a sort of wart thing on my back that I can't see but is itchy and painful and according to P is hanging off - ugh! Glad I can't see it!! I might also mention the ugly lump on my eyelid while I'm there.

Yesterday I heard that two of the horses from the yard where S rides died suddenly from colic. i was really upset - one of them, Apache, was a a real favourite of mine. It scared me as it reminded me that horses are surprisingly fragile creatures and the thought of it happening to one of our real favourites - like Domino or Piper - is awful.

I guess I'll head off to the supermarket now as P has gone out to deliver birthday cards to his mum and K has gone to watch the rugby with her friends.

Yesterday I did something a bit symbolic - well, only for me, perhaps! I have all my digital photos stored by month; with a couple of separate folders for different versions - including one which was called "Cafe Uploads" and was the resized, reworked images I uploaded to first the Cafe and then later the Corner. For some reason, I never changed the name of the folder. Until yesterday.

It's just over a year since T, AM, Mafia Wife and I started the Photographers Corner. I am really proud of all we have achieved. I was gutted by the way things ended at the Cafe but that is now firmly in the past.

Now my folder is called "Corner Uploads".

I took this photo on a trip to Chester Cathedral with J from the Corner. We had a lovely time and this statue means a lot to me so I thought I'd post it here today to cheer myself up.

S is clearing out her room. I asked her to do it and she's doing a great job. But it's really sad - there are a load of dollies and things going in the charity bag and it's breaking my heart!! My baby is growing up!

I love my girls more and more the older they get. But today I'm wondering where did those little ones go? Today we went clothes shopping and when they got home they tried on their new outfits and they looked beautiful. But like young women not like little girls!

Happy New Year!

Although I'm a day late. Soon I will have been blogging for a whole year. I'd like to keep it going through 2007. It's been quite a journey. I think one of my goals is to include more of my photos in my entries.

New Year's Eve with J & D was fun. The jointly prepared buffet was delicious and afterwards we played cards then watched the new year fireworks from london on TV. At midnight we all went outside and there were some quite spectacular fireworks being let off in peoples gardens.

Yesterday Phil's parents visited. I cooked an Italian caserole of chicken in red wine.It was pretty good; the chicken was really tender.

Today we visited P's friend G and daughter P. We had a pub lunch then went for a walk in Lyme Park - saw a herd of deer. K was great with P - she happily pretended to be a pet duck and did whatever she was told including some fairly long runs which wasn't easy in wellies!

P has another day off tomorrow and as the girls are still off I think we're going into Chester to do a bit of necessary shopping.

I have been exchanging emails with my brother!! It makes me nervous but so far, so good!

I have been thinking about new year resolutions. Once I get them straight in my own mind I'll post them here and see if that helps me keep them a bit better.

What a strange period it is between Christmas and New Year! It's like everything is on hold! i was at work yesterday but it was really quiet and dull. i'm glad I took today off.

It was a great Christmas, despite having to work the three days preceeding Christmas eve which were incredibly quiet at work! Christmas eve was spent with J and her family - we had a great time playing silly games and didn't leave until midnight; by which time S was getting VERY anxious that Santa would go to our house and find us out and not leave any presents!!We checked his progress on NORAD and S was relieved to hear he'd only just passed over London.

The girls woke us up at 8 am Christmas morning which was pretty reasonable of them. We opened our Santa gifts then went downstairs to open the rest of our presents aided by a pot of coffee. The girls seemed thrilled with their presents - K was especially delighted by her furry boot slippers. I'm lucky to have such appreciative kids. I started cooking dinner and it was an hour late but as we had no guests it didn't matter! It was probably my best ever Christmas dinner as I wasn't stressing about it.

Afterwards I fell asleep watching "Monsters Inc". We basically relaxed the remainder of the day; watched some TV etc. I tried phoning K in Canada but had no reply. Did get through the our friends in CA and we all took it in turn to chat to one another - it was lovely.

Boxing Day was lovely too with P's parents visiting for the day. Wednesday we didn't do much although S and I visited J in the afternoon. Yesterday i was back at work and in the evening had a great visit with another site friend. We all played this PS Monkey game which was a lot of fun. K was undisputed champion of the night!!

Today is very wet and windy so I think I'm going to stay home. I might tidy out my drawers (I know how to have fun!!!)

Not sure yet what we are doing for new year. My local friend JW wants us all to get together; we just haven't decided which house it will be at yet.

In February I wrote

I suppose a friendship is in a way the most flattering of relationships as it's based primarily on liking and is not coloured by family ties or desire or need. It still fills me with incredulity if someone likes me - then there's the fear that if they REALLY know me they won't like me...

Ok, i've decided to take myself firmly in hand and stop feeling so bloody gloomy or I'll spoil Christmas for myself and probably the family too.

Last night I went to see "Casino Royale" with J and i REALLY enjoyed it - great film and James Bond was incredibly sexy. I certainly had good dreams last night. In the morning Jane and I went for another long country walk which was lovely - exercise and good conversation at the same time. I had lunch today with CL - it's been a while since we saw each other and it was really good to catch up on each others news.

I wish i wasn't at work the next three days. Tomorrow night is the Helsby Coven's night out. We're just going to a local pub for drinks and nibbles. can't drink much tho' as I'm working Friday.

Just about ready for Christmas I think - just some more food to buy!

I haven't felt like writing in my blog for a while - for several reasons. I've been working loads of extra hours recently and I also developed this cough virus which is still lingering. We have had some difficult issues to deal with on the Corner.

K from Canada is back in hospital awaiting an operation to help her breath. I'm very low about that. I have called her a couple of times and she sounds really weak.

Christmas is so close but i'm struggling to find any festive joy. I think I'll be glad to see the end of 2006. It's been a strange year. I've spent much of it with my mind and emotions in turmoil. I think I'd like a bit of peace in 2007.

I don't feel I like myself much at the moment. So I'm going to work on trying to be a better person for 2007 also.

On Monday I spent some time taking photos in Liverpool Cathedral with my friend J from the Corner. She is such a tonic to be around as well as being a great help with my picture-taking techniques.We had a good time.

I guess after the holidays are over we can start planning our trip to Chicago and CA in the summer.I really hope we can see Mafia Wife and sample one of those big donuts!

I can't sleep!
It's VERY stormy here tonight and in our attic room you can hear every gust as well as the rain hurling itself at the windows. I came downstairs to potter around on the Corner and shortly I'll go and sleep on the sofa downstairs!!
Can hardly believe it's December!! Where has this year gone? I have very mixed feelings about Christmas. It's going to be much quieter than last year - in a way it's nice that it will be just the four of us but in other respects I'll be thinking rather sadly about "absent friends" and what a busy, interesting festive season it was last year!!
P and I are going to brave the Christmas shopping on Monday. Liverpool has a Christmas market which should be fun so we'll check that out.
Today (Sunday) we are going to my in-laws for Sunday dinner (roast lamb...I can't wait!!)and then P & K are off to watch Everton.
I wish the rain would stop!! I wish the dawn would come!

I just talked to my friend in Canada. She is in the hospital again. I was shocked at how weak and tired she sounds. She is also worried about her mum, who is sick too and waiting for test results. I miss her so much. More than I could ever express. She is one of the bravest people I know. I wish I was there with her.

She knows me inside out, warts and all, and she still likes me. I'm so lucky to know her. I miss her. I miss her SO MUCH.

This is the song I want played at the end of my funeral. I heard it in the last episode of (I think) Series 4 of "Sex & the City" and I just fell in love with the words and the fabulous disco beat. It's an upbeat song with words that mean a lot to me and I can never help dancing whenever I hear it.The artist is AMBER.

It's also for someone who means the world to me - you know who you are!!

Love lifts us up
Love lifts us up

Remember the pain we put each other through
Remember the tears you cried, I cried too
Remember how close we came to giving up
Remember the holidays that were destroyed
Remember the arguments we employed
Remember the lines we drew and the lines we crossed

If we had known it would be so hard
Would we have set out on this road together
Now when I look into your eyes I can see forever


We're flying above the clouds
So beautiful & clear
We're flying above the clouds
I can see happiness from here

Love lifts us up
Love lifts us up

Remember the silence living in the dark
Remember the desperation in my heart
Remember how close we came to giving up

We were caught up in our storm
I didn't think that we would make it
We have only stood our ground
Now the storm is breaking

We're flying above the clouds
So beautiful & clear
We're flying above the clouds
I can see happiness from here

Sweet love to a higher ground
Love lifts us up
Love lifts us up

If we had known it would be so hard
Would we have set out on this road together
Now when I look into your eyes I can see forever

We're flying above the clouds
So beautiful & clear
We're flying above the clouds
I can see happiness from here

We're flying so beautiful
Love lifts us up
There is so much happiness
Don't ever stop

I had a "near miss" driving home last night. I was going through a traffic-light controlled junction of two busy roads - the lights were in my favour and had not even STARTED to change - when a car completely ignored the lights and came shooting out from my right. I braked hard and luckilydespite the wet road did not skid and I missedhim/her. We were both travelling at some speed so I imagine the collision, had it happened, would have been violent. I was so lucky!!

The Photographer's Corner Guardian Angel

I'm a real mixed bundle of emotions today. The habits of love and friendship are difficult to break. This poem says it all, really.



I'd like to be the sort of friend that
you have been to me;
I'd like to be the help that
you've been always glad to be;

I'd like to mean as much to you
each minute of the day
As you have meant, old friend of mine,
to me along the way.

I'd like to do the big things and
the splendid things for you,
To brush the gray from out your skies
and leave them only blue;

I'd like to say the kindly things that
I so oft have heard,
And feel that I could rouse your soul
the way that mine you've stirred.

I'd like to give you back the joy
that you have given me,
Yet that were wishing you a need
I hope will never be;

I'd like to make you feel as rich as I,
who travel on
Undaunted in the darkest hours with you to
lean upon.

I'm wishing at this time that I
could but repay
A portion of the gladness that
you've strewn along my way;

And could I have one wish this year,
this only would it be:
I'd like to be the sort of friend
that you have been to me.

- Edgar A Guest -

I am also thinking of RG, whose funeral was today, and her family. Apparently the crowd at the church was just enormous - so many young people come to say goodbye to their friend whose life was cut short so tragically.

I was listening to this song while out walking tonight and the lyrics really spoke to me....

I'm here, just like I said
Though it's breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart, is just the same;
Why make it strong to break it once again?
And I'd love to say "I do";
Give everything to you
But I could never now be true

So I say...
I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now

I'm here, so please explain
Why you're opening up a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs at least I’m spared the lows
Now I tremble in your arms
What could be the harm?
To feel my spirit calm?

So I say...
I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now

I wouldn't know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you've got your smile back
Like you say - you're right on track
But you may never know why
Once bitten, twice as shy
If I'm proud, perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bear to loose you again

Yes, I will.
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper...
I think I better leave right now

It's nearly a month since I blogged. I thought about giving up but decided not to. It's good to have an outlet at times! I got this firework photo on the BBC website although my good friend T's picture is much better. A couple of us went to a firework display and I used my tripod to take a few pictures. Unfortunately I got lots of shots of the woman immediately in front of me and her fetching bobble hat but this was one that tuned out ok.
I'm looking at a glorious full moon through my window right now.
The kitten is growing up but still very keen on sucking my hair. I wish he wouldn't launch himself at my back and then claw his way up. He's heavier now and that REALLY hurts!

The best thing about long walks in the dark is that no-one can see you are crying. My dear friend K in Canada is in hospital AGAIN. I am so worried for her and I miss her so much. There is so much I need to tell her and get her advice on but I can't. Please, God, make her well!

I haven't posted in a few days. My emotions are all over the place. First, I saw the doctor about my physical problems. It was humiliating and unpleasant but she was kind, and it seems I have IBS. I am on a high-fibre diet and some medication (called Spasmodol - the name of which for some reason cracks me up!)

i am still pretty much in my black zone although i'm managing to function ok. Sometimes I feel great; really happy and then wham, I'm shaking inside. I think that's part of where my IBS comes from as fear and anxiety go straight to my stomach. It is driving me mad because everything is pretty much ok in my life. I have friends facing terrible problems but I'm just trying to get through each perfectly normal day when instead I want to stay in bed.

I feel safe in bed. I also feel safe in the house and weirdly, in my car. I don't feel safe at work and in fact am often terrified of going there; but when I'm actually there it's not too bad.

I wish i could make sense of all this.

I am really frightened. I don't feel at all well. I really don't want to see the doctor.

I feel also as if a massive black cloud has swooped down on me and I can't see my way out. i want to run away but it's all around me.

I'm scared.

We finally have a new computer. The old one just kept crashing and crashing repeatedly - on Tuesday i came home from work and it carshed 10 times as i was trying to download some email. So we bought a new one. It arrived on Friday and P has it up and running. It's wonderful.

So I might be actually able to post in my blog a bit more often these days.

I am still feeling off colour but I can't face going to the doctor in case he decides he needs to "investigate" LOL. I just know inside I'm not functioning right, I'm in a lot of pain and I'm tired all the time.

P is really, really miserable at work and I feel so sorry for him but i can't help. it is hard to live with someone who is so stressed and angry so much of the tiume. Every morning starts the same way - he wakes up and says "God, i had a terrible night...I'm so tired." He isn't sleeping but won't see the doctor about it. We're a terrible pair, I know.

I am feeling very insecure again. How the hell does one get self-confidence?? Or self-esteem? Why am i always such a bloody needy chick? I'm 45 for Gods sake - when do i become mature?

I just read a funny book called "Confessions of a failed grown-up" by Stephanie Calman. At least i know I'm not the only person in the world who still feels they have a mental age of around 13.

Today I popped to the supermarket for a chicken and spent £60 on groceries. I should go back to internet ordering. I also managed to wander off for several aisles with somebody else's trolley.

S is doing quite well at high school - she got her first merit the other day. She's making new friends too which is good! K wasn't happy on Thursday. When getting changed for PE she noticed her PE shirt was damp. She sniffed it...cat pee! She had to wear it and pretend she didn't know where the horrid smell was coming from. Tiggy strikes again LOL

Is there a curse on photography websites? It seems the Cafe server has also crashed and the site is unavailable right now.

Our new "Corner" looks good and it's nice to see so many members joining right away. A is working very hard to keep up with the glitches that arrive thick and fast whenever you launch a new website.

I am very anxious as I've only had one brief email from K in Alberta since she got home from hospital, and my phone messages have not been returned. I don't want to be a pest and keep bothering her.

I'm also worried I've not heard from another friend, AS. I hope she's ok and I miss her.

I'm not feeling 100% and am wondering if I may have IBS - isn't the internet great for self-diagnosis? I don't really want to go to the doctor in case they investigate further - yuck, don't fancy THAT at all. It's a pretty embarrassing condition all round. Oh well...I reckon I've had this on and off sonce I was in California so I guess a bit longer won't hurt - it's not like it's curable anyway.

I am exchanging emails with my brother. It is really nice but I'm nervous in case things go wrong. Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out for any human relationships at all - maybe I should have been a hermit.

What a week :(

The photography website that I'm Admin of has been lost to the depths of cyberspace due to an unfixable server error. The site owner has worked her socks off trying to recover it and at the same time trying to build us a new site. Hopefully this will go "live" at the weekend. I'm heartbroken to think of all we've lost from the old site - but our members have been really supportive and are eagerly awaiting the new site. I'm sure we'll lose some but we won't be defeated by this disaster!

Apart from that, I've been working extra hours so have had less time on the internet than usual. S seems to be settling down ok into high school after the first awful day when she said she wouldn't be going again!! Now she has made some friends and seems to be getting on ok.She looks great in her new uniform (see above)

I am feeling much happier and more postive. I've done a lot of thinking and reflecting and trying to get things into perspective. I'm feeling less insecure. Hope these good feelings last.



The new kitten is growing fast and is very entertaining. We all love him a lot, it's hard to take a pic of him as he never stops moving but here are a couple anyway.

My Best Friends & I
by Karen L. Schenk

Throughout the years
I have had many different girls and women as my best friends.
They have all been very different from each other.
Yet somehow they have all been similar.
They had characteristics that blended with mine.
They were kindred spirits with me --
they were truly the soulmates of my life.


Together, these best friends and I
have laughed, cared, talked, listened, and cried.
Together we played, worked, and dreamed.
Such special friends were they, that at times,
we enjoyed doing nothing together.
Years have gone by
and I sometimes wonder
where they have all gone.
Some have moved.
Some developed different interests.
These were friends whom I once thought
I could never live without.

The best friends of my life
have had an integral part
in me becoming who I am today.
They brought out the best and the worst in me.
They loved me enough to confront, to challenge and to console.
They encouraged me in my strengths and
helped me overcome my weaknesses.

Though I know not where they live,
have discovered where they all left something for me.
It is a room -- a delightful room which lies within my heart.

It is one of my most favorite places.
I go there when I am lonely, sad
or when I want to remember... and be with
the treasured golden memories
the best friends of my life left for me.

Forever -- my friends will be a part of me
as I hold onto and cherish them
in that special room in my heart.

I have just been reading an article on the BBC website about the way New York City has changed since 9/11.

This quote is from press photographer David Handschuh, who was possibly the first photographer on the scene after the first plane went into the Tower. He was trapped under the falling debris from the second tower and badly injured.

"Having a good day with my kids is the most precious gift that I could have in the entire world," he says.

"Waking up the next morning and looking out the window and whether it's snowing or raining or storming or brutally hot or freezing cold, it's another day that we get to experience things on this Earth."

This man has seen such horrors; yet he can feel grateful for each day that he is alive. It's humbling.

I'm sad and worried and lonely right now but i have hope that things will get better.

I'm feeling very sad tonight. It seems as if there's going to be a big change in my life and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it.

Work was really hectic yesterday. It's one of our busiest days of the year as it follows a four-day closure for the August Bank Holiday. For once we had plenty of staff so it felt pleasantly busy instead of grindingly so. I even got some time at my desk to catch up on stuff.

I heard that applicants for my dream job were VERY high powered academics, teachers and even one psychiatrist. So knowing that i would probably have not even got to interview makes me feel better - not as if I'd had to walk away from a wonderful opportunity due to home circumstances.

I visited a friend from the Corner after work; we had a very pleasant chatty evening (well, I did!!) She is a film buff and like me thinks nothing of watching the same film over and over and still enjoying the experience. We watched "Pride & Prejudice". I got home about 12.30 and realised to my horror I'd forgotten my house key. I seriously considered sleeping in the car rather than waking the Kraken (P) but it had to be done!!

Today is my last day of "time off in lieu" of the summer. S has a sleepover tonight and we said we'd take all the kids to Pizza Hut as an end of the holidays treat. I'm not planning on doing much today, just ironing and general chores.

I wore my pedometer all day yesterday but FORGOT TO SWITCH IT ON!! What a blonde moment.