Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day and I have had a really lovely time today. K and S gave me a hand-made card and a box of Maltesers (it has to be a box for the rattle) to go with the camera bag they'd got me earlier in the month when I first acquired the D40. I also received a beautiful plant from P which I'll try to photograph tomorrow. We went out for Sunday lunch with P's sister and her family and my lovely parents in law. After that P and K went to watch Everton play Arsenal and my mum in law, S and I just chatted and relaxed.

Since Mum died Mothers Day has never been quite the same though. I love being a mum but I miss being a daughter. Mum has been gone almost 18 years now but I have never stopped missing her - as time has gone by I am just aware of how much she has missed. She never saw either K or S. She never saw me as a parent. I never got to ask her advice and I've certainly needed it a lot over the years.

I'm incredibly lucky to have had a "second mum" in my lovely mother in law. But Mum, I miss you more than words can say. I would give so much just to hear your voice and to sit on the arm of your chair again and talk to you the way I used to. I miss the way you felt when I hugged you, the smell of your skin and your hair. I would be a better person if you were still here. I wouldn't have made so many mistakes I'm sure!

The August before she died, Mum came to the library where I was working with a homemade birthday cake she'd made. After she'd left we all had some cake and one of my colleagues said "You're lucky; your mum is really special." She was, and thank God I always knew that. Just over a month later she had left me forever.

The photo is of Mum (Edwina Rose); she was about 20 when this was taken. I think she looks so beautiful.

Love and hugs to mums everywhere today.