Monday, June 02, 2008
My second post for Project Blue is a suncatcher ball hanging un my kitchen window!
Last night I had another of my "photography nightmares". This time I was trying to take photos of a bride and groom outside the church. The photos looked weird and I realised I had no lens attached to my camera. I looked around in my bag and found a lens but couldn't attach it...this dream joins an increasing list of photo-related night terrors that started a while back with one in which no matter what I did I couldn't focus....!
When I awoke I spent a little time thinking "Why am I doing this? Why am I TRYING to be a wedding photographer when it is causing me so much anxiety I'm even dreaming about it?" The answer was because I'm tired of remaining in my comfort zone. I like my "real" job but I've been doing it so long there isn't a load of challenge there any more; I'm not learning much new. It doesn't excite me as much as it once did. It doesn't stretch me mentally as much as I need to be stretched now I'm in my late forties. I'm scared of failing but I'm even more scared of not at least trying...
I'm doing it because fate (and A!) have given me a great opportunity that I can't pass on.
And I do it because gives me such a thrill on the (rare) occasions that I press the shutter, look at the screen and realise I've captured a real "moment", a special "look" :)
In a couple of months I might have egg all over my face and be writing in my blog about what a spectacularily useless mess I've made of everything, it's certainly on the cards! If that happens at least I'll know I took a gamble on doing something that wasn't safe.
Ibsen said “'Live, work, act. Don't sit here and brood and grope among insoluble enigmas.'
I'm treating my anxiety by indulging in my "Sex & the City" DVDs, starting from Series 1. Great clothes, great shoes, great writing, lots of laughs, the joy of female friendship and some sensational men too :)