Saturday, May 15, 2010

Sometimes I get really disheartened. I don't know what makes one day, one mood so different from the previous one.

I wonder if I expect too much from myself. I don't like doing anything less than well. That makes it all too easy for me to give up if things seem too difficult or beyond my capabilities. I'm not very patient either. I look at Sian riding and wish like mad I could magically transform myself into a rider of her standard, instead of having to painfully and effortfully start at the beginning and relearn all the basics with a body that's 30 years older than when I last rode seriously!

I love the wedding photography but sometimes I think I should just give up because I'm only going to fail at that, eventually...

Those old friendship issues have popped up again; I'm going through one of those "I have no friends!" phases - when I can't believe that anyone likes me really but they just sort of tolerate having me around! I miss Karen like mad at times like this; she'd always talk sense into me and tell me not to be such a miserable pain in the backside. At times like this I feel so stupid and needy - but I have to hold on and believe it will pass.

I'm still occasionally fretting over what i thought was a close friendship that just ended really oddly; I want to know WHY and yet I'm also afraid of knowing. Oh dear, I even annoy myself when I get like this!

12 comments:

The Quiet Rage said...

I'm still here, and I LOVE YOU!!!!

Anna Ridley said...

*HUGS* I like you loads - you know that!

I feel the way you do often... maybe we should give each other a kick up the backside to knock some sense into ourselves?

xxx

Akelamalu said...

You really do worry TOO much you know. What will be will be, go with the flow and enjoy each day for what it brings. I'll send you Reiki, hopefully it will lighten your mood. x

TheUnSoccerMom said...

I just started following your blog. I have the same feelings and concerns, so it's nice to see I'm not the only one.

Andrea said...

what a lovely honest post, don't feel alone we all get like that at times, guess it is just part of being a woman.

JESSON and REY ANN said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Adrienne said...

Wow....I had no idea that other people had these kinds of feelings- it like someone read my brain and wrote it all down, and I just happened to find it!(I just bumped into your blog tonight)
I'll be praying for you. =)
~Adrienne

Claire said...

Ditto to everything you just said! I get into those moods too!

I have found it so hard to accept that sometimes it doesn't matter how nice or friendly you are, people just don't like you because you're not one of 'them' already in their little clicks. I feel this particularly where I work and wish people would be more open and real about it all.

Thanks for making me feel like I'm not the only one!

xxoo

P.S. I love your wedding pics x

photowannabe said...

Julie I wish I was there to give you a big friendly hug. (((HUG)))
I think you have many genuine friends and just know I'm one of your Blog-friends from over the Pond.
Sue
Oh by the way,
I really love this shot of the wedding couple and her wedding ring. super!

Manchester Lass, Now and Then said...

I think you would be a wonderful friend:)

Scriptor Senex said...

I think it must have been something in the situation of the planets! The reason I'm only reading this a fortnight late is because I too was 'down'. Hopefully we'll get some sunshine and that will make the next few weeks brighter.

Cathifach said...

Blimey, I can't get over how similar we are, Julie! I think you're lovely XXX