Sometimes I get really disheartened. I don't know what makes one day, one mood so different from the previous one.

I wonder if I expect too much from myself. I don't like doing anything less than well. That makes it all too easy for me to give up if things seem too difficult or beyond my capabilities. I'm not very patient either. I look at Sian riding and wish like mad I could magically transform myself into a rider of her standard, instead of having to painfully and effortfully start at the beginning and relearn all the basics with a body that's 30 years older than when I last rode seriously!

I love the wedding photography but sometimes I think I should just give up because I'm only going to fail at that, eventually...

Those old friendship issues have popped up again; I'm going through one of those "I have no friends!" phases - when I can't believe that anyone likes me really but they just sort of tolerate having me around! I miss Karen like mad at times like this; she'd always talk sense into me and tell me not to be such a miserable pain in the backside. At times like this I feel so stupid and needy - but I have to hold on and believe it will pass.

I'm still occasionally fretting over what i thought was a close friendship that just ended really oddly; I want to know WHY and yet I'm also afraid of knowing. Oh dear, I even annoy myself when I get like this!