I am waiting in work for the phone to ring. I am not sure what I'm hoping for. All afternoon I tried to decide if I should go home...I was not sure I can face the vet's. K rang and said Charlie looked uncomfortable and as if he couldn't get up.That was at 4 this afternoon. I've not heard anything and now it's nearly 6 pm. Part of me wants to at least see him once more to say a proper goodbye - the other part just wants it to be over. I'm ashamed of my cowardly feelings - that I can't face the thought of seeing the light go out of his eyes.I wanted him to die in his sleep one night.

Of course I might go home and he'll be feeling better.....P hasn't phoned me and I daren't phone him. I'm dreading the drive home; i cried all the way to work this morning.

Everytime I've cried in the last 17 years, if Charlie has been there he's come and sat with me. He has always been on my side; never judged me or given me advice but just loved me. He was there when Mum and Dad died; when I thought I might lose K during my pregnancy. He was there through all the bad times in my life...

He's the best dog in the world.