Sunday, August 23, 2009
I have been aware for some time that I'm very unhappy and am not enjoying life nearly as much as I should be. I know why, I'm just not at all sure what I should do about it.
Today it all got too much for me and I know I can't carry on like this. One aspect of my life is blighting my every waking moment. I feel as if I'm walking around with my own personal black cloud over my head and all the joy is being sucked out of life. Even our recent lovely holiday was overshadowed by the worry and gloom I'm carrying around with me. I'm not sleeping well and when i do sleep , i have nightmares!
The trouble is it's not easy to fix and fixing it involves a certain amount of "giving up" and admitting that I've made a mistake. I feel like a failure and a coward .... But I honestly don't know how much longer I can function like this. I feel I'm wasting so much time when I could be happy with my family and friends.
I have tried and tried to beat these feelings but I can't - I just can't. I really don't know what to do - I just know I can't go on like this. The thing is, life can be short - you never know what's waiting round the corner. I feel like I'm wasting "right now" which is all any of us can be sure of - by being in a constant state of worry, anxiety and misery!
Sorry to be so down.