Hmmmm

So far this Christmas I’ve asked several people what they’ve had for Christmas but no-one has bothered to return the enquiry ! I’ve done my usual tidying and sorting today which I’ve enjoyed as much as usual. Feeling ambivalent about the new year - life is suddenly seeming to be slipping away from me very fast. Need to be positive!

So depressed about returning to work!

No shopping month

Once again I am aiming for a month without shopping except for food and household essentials. Not looking forward to it I must say!

New Year Resolutions

I know I need to make some changes this year! So.... 1. Drink more water. My water app has shown me I just don't drink enough liquids! 2. Stick to the LCHF diet challenge for 100 days - ends April 15th. 3. Waste less food - very important. 4. Either establish a regular gym schedule or cancel my membership - by end of March. 5. Put my health first.

Since my recent diagnosis and my conversion to healthier eating, I have become slightly obsessed with how much rubbish food dominates our lives! Go into a supermarket and you're faced with racks of special offers - bags of cheap donuts, cookies, sweets, chocolate, crisps. And when I went to the Locality conference in Liverpool this week, I was greeted with plates and plates of huge cookies along with the teas and coffees and later on they served a choice of bacon or sausages in soft white rolls! Nothing at all I could eat, and it was only on my way home when I managed to dive into M&S Food at the station and grab a banana and some carrot sticks with houmus. Would it hurt to serve some fruit along with the cookies or even some wholemeal toast?

I am so fed up with people posting photos of their food on Facebook or instagram. I don't care if you're doing whole30 or slimming world or just some made up diet of your own. Food pics unless done by a professional just generally look disgusting and anyway who cares??? I just saw a post on a Facebook friends status that looked like it had been thrown up by a dog! Great way to start your day.

Well, I did it, one month without shopping apart from a couple of support things for my sports injuries. It has been an interesting experience. I am glad I was able to do it. I think it has taught me a lot of my shopping is impulse driven. If I can't buy it at once the urge goes away surprisingly fast. I think shopping is addictive behaviour for me in that I like the buzz of buying stuff more than I value the stuff itself. In the same time period I have given up sugar and processed foods, had hypnotherapy for anxiety and taken up yoga. It has been an interesting and rewarding few weeks.

I really, really want to buy a scarf! I have been looking at Alexander McQueen style scarves on eBay and REALLY want one! It would be so easy to just " buy it now" ....this is the first time I have been seriously tempted! Be strong Julie ....

It's been quite a week. Along with the no-shopping diet i have been on a 5 day detox which was very tough. I literally could not climb the stairs. However I feel so much better now. I am so addicted to sweet and carb heavy foods I had to do something to break the cycle. So apart from food and birthday presents for phil I have bought nothing. I also started my hypnotherapy. What a strange experience. I already feel different. Very strange!

Popped into Liverpool yesterday to see the giants and managed not to pop into any shops! AT some point today I get to buy food in Morrisons but will attempt to make sure no little non food extras slip into the basket!! I am also going back on my 5 day detox diet as am feeling so rubbish lately. Hope that goes ok too.

I have decided to set myself a challenge - a month long spending diet. I fear I am becoming addicted to buying stuff for emotional comfort! We aren't talking cars here or diamonds but things like a nice tube of hand cream when I already have enough or yet another lipgloss or nail varnish is all adding up.... Let's see how i cope....!

Ten years ago I had just turned 40. Phil had booked a trip to New York, my favourite city, to celebrate. We were due to fly out on 20th September.

11th September 2001 was a beautiful early autumn day in Helsby. I was home from work as a local handyman was replacing spindles on our staircase. Suddenly I got a phone call from Phil telling me to switch on the news as a plane had just flown into the Twin Towers. At that time we assumed it was a terrible accident. I put on the news and .....well, we all know the rest.

I have been back to the city twice since then. It is still one of my favourite places on earth. I don't know why but I have always felt very much at home there.

My thoughts and prayers are with the people of NYC and with Americans everywhere on this ten year anniversary. God bless you all. From my heart.

SPIDERS
I just remembered what I hate about autumn. It's the way the HUGE spiders come in looking for mates. I wish they wouldn't. We have had two enormous ones in the kitchen this evening alone.

It's now a year since my lovely mother in law June passed away. Already she has missed so much. And we miss her every day.

I miss our long chats and all her support.

Kate is off to university in Aberystwyth soon. Another big change that I'm not at all ready for! Last weekend we talk her round IKEA buying stuff for her new life. That was so weird! I am really excited as she is getting to experience something neither her dad nor I did - going away to uni as we both stayed at home whilst studying. But I am really going to miss her.
My new job is still crazy and still stressful. On the plus side I'm really enjoying riding again after a bit of a break for summer holidays etc.

We have a wedding coming up that I'm really looking forward to as the couple are a lot of fun and real personalities. I'll still be nervous of course.

So summer such as it was is officially over and already the nights are drawing in. I quite like this time of year ......

I turn to my blog after a long absence to ask myself why I have I once more allowed myself to be used and dropped by a so-called "friend?"

It's funny but when I look back over my life I have been hurt far more effectively by women than by men. Yes, a man broke my heart once. But in a straightforward sort of way. There was none of the ambiguity and cruelty I've experienced from some women "friends". And one in particular.

A friend can hurt you so badly - they know your weak spots. They know exactly how to manipulate you for the greatest effect.

I am very lucky,I have some amazingly wonderful friends. And I'm very grateful to them. I hope i can be as good a friend to them as they are to me.

It is really time for me to lick my wounds for the last time and tell one particular person to go to hell - sadly I won't have the chance to do it to her face!

And just one more thing - to the mutual "friend" who dropped both Phil and myself at a time when we needed friends and kindness a lot - it's one thing to hurt me but another thing altogether to hurt my husband when his mum was dying - you can go to hell too!

Sorry about that - rant over.

This has been a very unusual Easter - for a start, the amazing weather!!! Good Friday was probably my favourite day - got up early, went for a run, did a bit of gardening and baking then basically lazed!

It was also unusual as Phil worked 2 twelve hour day shifts, one on Friday and one on the Sunday and it was strange for us all to be home relaxing without him.Our new garden furniture has had plenty of use though, and we had a bbq on Monday for Phil's dad.

On the Saturday we met up with a bride whose wedding we are photographing at the end of June. We are very excited because the reception is to be at the Grosvenor Hotel in Chester - a VERY posh location right in the very heart of Chester. AS London bus is also involved - that should really be something to see! It's a little challenging to be photographing a bridal couple in Chester's very busy main street on a Saturday afternoon but hopefully we will get some great shots!

I took an extra day off today and went shopping in Liverpool with the girls; we had a great time although my debit card is now worn out and begging me not to touch it for the forseeable future!

Due to my work pattern I'm actually only working one day this week, then it's another long weekend which coincides nicely with our wedding anniversary on Saturday and Phil's birthday on Monday.

I'm looking forward to watching some of the wedding on Friday - can't wait to see Miss Middleton's dress! Despite all the weddings I've been involved in, I still get a HUGE thrill seeing the bride in all her finery. I'm sure Kate will look stunning!

We are enjoying some beautiful weather for April and for once it has coincided with a holiday weekend - well, a holiday for some, poor Phil is working 12 hour shifts on both Good Friday and Easter Sunday!

I have to admit, I spent a big chunk of Friday sat in the garden reading and enjoying the sunshine. Although I did get up early and go for a run first!

Running is a fairly new activity for me; I took it up about two months ago after chatting to a friend who had started running using an NHS programme of podcasts called "Couch 2 5K" - at that point she was on week 7 and running for about 20 minutes, which really impressed me! For some reason, I've always wanted to run but never managed to get anywhere - I'd run for 15 minutes and it would nearly kill me and I'd give up! i also wanted to get fitter for riding.

So off I went with the podcasts on my MP3 player and Laura as my in the ear mentor. On the first week you begin with a brisk 5-minute walk, then alternate 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of walking, for a total of 20 minutes. Over the weeks you gradually build up to running for 30 minutes (and/or 5K) The first week was hard! But I felt a big sense of achievement and I kept going. Tomorrow I start week nine and I'm already running for 30 minutes although I'm not quite up to 5k distance yet. There wasn't one run I didn't complete!

I have found I really love running. I have a certain amount of tendon pain in my left ankle (the one I sprained!)but my stamina has increased hugely - it's only the discomfort that limits me now.

I'm planning on continuing to run 3 times a week, hopefully building up speed and distance and i'm also walking 2 miles in my lunch break 4 times a week.

The wedding season is approaching and we're meeting up with our couples. I must watch the royal wedding to get me in the mood!

Happy Easter everyone!

Mum - Edwina Rose

Mum in Law - June

This is the first Mother's Day that I have no one to send a card to. My wonderful Mum died over 20 years ago and my lovely Mum in law just a few months ago in September. I miss them both every day but know I am lucky to have had two such exceptional women to love me and look after me.

So, no cards or flowers or hugs, but a poem - an annoymous poem I found on the Internet  that says what I want to say today to both my mothers.....

Sometimes I catch myself
Thinking, "When I phone,
I can talk of this or that!"
Then remember, I'm alone.

She was always there
To answer my calls -
To listen to my "small talk"
Or when I climbed the walls.

At times, I didn't feel like talking
And somehow, she understood -
Didn't say she wished I'd call
Or make me feel like I should.

Now, I wish I would have
More times, to show I cared -
To say, just how important
Were all those times we shared.

I could have shown my love
So much more than I did -
I never did it enough
Even when I was a kid.

Now it's too late to do or say
All those things I wish I had -
No way to ease the pain inside
When my heart is sad.

She was my "anchor" to this life -
The "rock", that I clung to -
The placewhere I could turn
When nowhere else would do.
Now, the ravages of time
Have worn my "rock" away -
And all I have to cling to
Are memories of yesterday.

Jay Bradbury of  "The Jaywalkers"

It has been almost two months since my last post - I am so busy these days and have so little computer time that blogging is one of the things I've had to more or less give up. As is commenting on blogs although I do still keep up with quite a few - usually reading them just before I drag myself off to bed!

The photo above is one I took recently at a gig for a local band, The Jaywalkers. Jay, the singer pictured here is one of Kate's friends and an extremely talented young lady with a stunning voice.

It's the second lot of band photos we've done recently as we also did a publicity session for Treuddyn Tested, another local group - you can see some of our pics on their website.

We are gearing up for a cluster of weddings in early summer and next weekend I am photographing an prizegiving for a poetry competition.

I really want to start blogging regularily again.Working full-time is taking it's toll though, especially the two 12 hour days  every week and soon it could get worse as I might be working alternate Saturdays again.I miss my part-time hours SO MUCH!! I find myself homesick these days as I'm so seldom actually in my house! Anyway, I'm going to catch up on the last few months and hope I can blog more often...

Work is very busy and huge changes are on the horizon as libraries are merging with another department and we will be restructuring. We are very lucky as Wirral is not closing libraries as so many councils are and I still have a job but it is clear that things are going to be very different in the future and I am feeling quite anxious. I don't know what my new role will entail, or how my work patterns will change. I am hoping I will still be able to do my volunteer work at RDA.

Sian had her French exchange student, M to stay - the visit started off badly as poor M was sick but we all loved her and felt very sad when she had to go home.

We have booked a holiday in Florida - we couldn't decide where to go that would please everyone and not cost the earth and suddenly it occurred to me that Florida might fit the bill. We would all like to see Harry Potter World and revisit Seaworld and some of the other parks as well as  Kennedy Space Centre. After another hard winter preceded by a fairly dismal summer we are all longing for warmth and sunshine. We have booked baseball tickets, we can shop and Sian and I can go trail riding. We have a villa/car/flights package that is reasonable and we all can't wait. It will probably be our last big family vacation.

I am still riding and slowly improving; absolutely loving it too.I have also taken up running, much to my surprise, using a plan from the NHS called "Couch to 5K" and it's great, I'm just about to start Week 6 and yesterday I ran for 20 minutes for the first time ever!" I get such a buzz from running! The only question is if my joints can stand it!

Am I nuts, taking up running and riding in the year I am due to turn 50????