Little blue flowers...

Very suitable as I'm feeling a little blue myself!

Today started off really well with a cuddle in bed from my cat Shea and a walk with J and Buster. then it was home for lunch and off to RDA. Then it all went a bit pear-shaped...! I'm not going into details but it felt a bit like the last straw after the past few months.

On the bright side, I had a text from Phil that my mum in law is being released from hospital tomorrow which is great news and my redesigned website is up and running...Julie Mann Photography - after several days off line as everything got transferred.

I still need to upload some more images to it as well as process the several hundred from the wedding we did on Easter Saturday. We have a couple coming to see us on Sunday about a booking for January next year - the guy sounds really nice and I'm looking forward to meeting them but I gather they are seeing several photographers and somehow I don't expect to get the booking.

Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary - 21 years; hard to believe!

Funny to think that I started this blog because I was so worried about bird flu I was almost driving myself demented! And now we are facing the threat of swine flu! I am surprising myself by NOT descending into total panic yet but I am rather anxiously checking the news for developments. I'm not worried for me but for the girls...that's being a parent for you, I guess.

We have no idea what will happen about our trip to New York City at the end of May...just a case of wait and see what develops, I suppose.

Monkey puzzle...

My mother in law has come through her knee replacement operation ok, although she's in a lot of pain. We are all very relieved! I've not had much time for blogging as we've been visiting most evenings. Thanks everyone for your prayers and positive thoughts!

Feeling spikey...

I found this meme on Scriptor Senex's blog
If you decide to do it, let me know so I can see your answers :)

What is your current obsession?
Photography, especially wedding photography. I think about it most of the time and I even have dreams/nightmares about it too!

Good coffee place?
I'm a big Costa fan.

Do you nap a lot?
Not at all.

Who was the last person you hugged?
My daughter Sian.

What’s for dinner?
We had Aberdeen Angus burgers, onions and mushrooms!

What are you listening to right now?
The gentle hum of the computer.

What is your favourite weather?
Sunny and bright with a cool breeze.

What’s on your bedside table?
Alarm clock, tissues, coaster, Dobbin (stuffed toy from my baby days), two small teddies, bedside light, lip balm and one of Sian's teeth.

Say something to the person/s who tagged you.
I wasn't tagged, I pinched this from another blog!

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be?
The Lake District

What is the last song you listened to?
Flightless bird/American mouth by Iron & Wine (am obsessed with this song right now!)

Favourite vacation spot?
The Lake District in Britain, California in the US.

Name the things you can’t live without. .
My family, my camera, my computer, my cats, books, music, my garden.

What were the happiest two years of your life?
My first year of marriage to Phil and ......hopefully I still have some happiness to come!

What would you like to get rid of?
Negative emotions and self-doubt

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
My friend Anisa's kitchen in Petaluma, CA.

What did you want to become as a child?
A nurse, then a journalist.

What do you miss?
My mum and dad and my beloved friend Karen - and my dog Charlie.

What are you reading right now?
Two books on growing vegetables and "The Return" by Victoria Hislop (this month's reading group choice)

What do you fear the most?
Losing loved ones.

What designer piece of clothing would you most like to own (new or vintage)?
A pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes

What did you last watch on television?
Casualty.

If you’d like to do the meme, here’s how it works.
1. Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention; add a question of your own.
1. You may tag others or leave it open to anyone who feels like giving it a go.

Easter cactus

I have been feeling exceedingly negative lately and have stayed away from my blog as I was reluctant to put my feelings into words on the screen!

Things aren't bad - it's just that sometimes there is a very small difference between things being really great and things being NOT great. How can I explain...if only I could just make a few very minor tweaks I'd be really happy instead of hovering on the edge of gloom!

What I try to do when negativity strikes is count my blessings and of course I realise I am VERY blessed!

I am absolutely overwhelmed by the beautiful spring weather we've been enjoying lately; the countryside is breathtaking and even my own garden is bursting forth in satisfactory fashion.

This eveningI planted some onion sets.

My dear mother in law is due to have major surgery on Thursday. This is a risky process because of certain medical issues she has. I love her to bits; since my own mum died she's been the most wonderful friend, adviser and mother-figure anyone could wish for. Please send her your prayers and positive thoughts this week if you can - she is such a brave and special woman.

Happy Easter to all my blog friends!

We are off to the Ripon area tomorrow as we are photographing a wedding on Easter Saturday. We're staying overnight. As usual I'm really nervous! I'm hoping the weather is kind to us as the forecast is ...well...lively I guess you'd call it! Wish us luck!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter.

I had such a terrible night last night! Phil was away in London and I was in bed early, read a little and then settled down to sleep, feeling pretty tired after a day prom-dress shopping in Chester with Kate and Sian. But the wind had got up and the rain was lashing down and in the attic you hear every gust and creak and groan! At one point I was convinced my new polythene greenhouse could be heard being ripped to shreds by the gale.

Anyway, morning came at last although I'm not exactly rested! Fortunately no damage seems to have been done.

I HATE the wind!

As rare as hens teeth are photos of me! And especially ones in scruffy clothes with scruffy hair and no make up, but here I am with my much loved Bruno, hoping his dazzling good looks will in some way compensate for mine!

Our wedding couple from last month are happy with the photos; calling them "outstanding" and us "very professional" which has REALLY made me happy!

Thornton Hough Church

Are you ever lonely?

I read an article recently about loneliness being at epidemic proportions in today's society and a few days later I read another saying loneliness could be as bad for your health as smoking or obesity. One thing I noticed was that loneliness comes in many degrees and many forms. A happily married woman with a close family could feel a sense of loneliness if she did not also have some close friendships outside the family circle. A person with many close friends and an active social life could feel a deep sense of loneliness because they did not have a partner or children.

The articles both made the point that in modern society communication has never been easier - with our mobile phones, our emailing, MSN, facebook and twitter - yet our sense of community, of belonging, has never been weaker. More and more people are living alone, not all of them from choice. We are having fewer and fewer genuine human interactions.

I know what it's like to feel lonely; I suppose we all do. When I started school, I found it hard to make friends, I never seemed to fit in and I still remember wandering the playground alone trying to look as if I didn't care. As I grew up friendships became much easier but I still retain that feeling of being on the outside looking in and am still faintly astonished that anyone wants me as a friend! Even now I find it almost impossible to be pro-active in my friendships...I am scared to suggest something like a trip to the shops or the cinema or even a cup of coffee in case the answer is no- which will make me feel a ridiculous, irrational and disproportionate sense of rejection ( knowing I'm being stupid doesn't really help!)

Being lonely isn't of course the same as being alone. I enjoy being alone, probably because it's only for a few hours each week. I like to potter around my house and garden on my own, I like driving alone, sometimes walking alone and visiting the cinema alone. I'm happy to eat alone too. I like my own company. I don't get bored easily.

However I can't imagine living alone; I have never done it! I went from living with my parents to married life without a break - I'm a real dinosaur, a freak! I have a huge respect for people who live on their own and hope I could manage it too, if I had to.

Sometimes I've felt lonely whilst in a relationship. Often I've felt lonely because I have no blood relations who are close to me except my daughters. I have a wonderful family "by marriage" but on occasion I've been there amongst them all and felt like that lonely kid in the school playground again. Not their fault - mine.

Sometimes I feel lonely because the phone doesn't ring, no-one is texting me and my emails are all spam. Sometimes it's easy to assume I'm the only one feeling left out and out of step.

Look at Facebook and see how some people have 1000 or more friends! Only they aren't friends, are they? No-one could maintain THAT many friendships! I think it's a bit mad how some folk are desperate to appear popular and yet deep down I have this sneaking feeling that the more friends you have, the better person you are. Can you be a good person with NO friends? I struggle to maintain a sense of my own worth if I'm not getting some positive feedback from others.

Experts advise the lonely to do voluntary work to meet new people. Or go to classes or join clubs. It strikes me that that advice is maybe too trite, as if you're chronically lonely you'll either have already tried that and found it didn't work, or you're just too mired in loneliness to give it a go. Even if you do, you might not find making a few friends is the cure. I think loneliness is something inherant in all of us.

One of the articles quoted an nameless woman who said " I am so lonely. I have no friends, because nobody likes me, no matter what I do". That's one of the saddest and bleakest things I've ever read. I can't forget it.

I am lucky; my feelings of loneliness are transient and I can deal with them. Maybe one day medical science will find cures for cancer and for other killer diseases; maybe one day we'll find a cure for loneliness and the unknown woman above will realise that she is likeable and that life can be good. I hope she is ok tonight....

Two images from Sunday's trip to see the Egg Run go by at Thornton Hough. I've heard of being a chick magnet but this is the first time I've ever seen proof of it!

The picture below is of a gargoyle. Thornton Hough is a beautiful village full of interest, if you ever get a chance to visit it.

Bruno...the best horse in the world!

Sian riding Bruno

I have had such a lovely Sunday! It was great to wake up and see the sun was shining although it wasn't exactly WARM! Phil and I went to watch Sian ride; I was thrilled to find she was going to be riding Bruno, my favourite horse. We took photos of Sian with Bruno and of Bruno on his own and Phil took a photo of me with Bruno...I loathe having my photo taken but to have a pic of me with Bruno....I'll do it!

Afterwards we went to Thornton Hough village to see the Egg Run come by; over 5000 bikers ride in convoy through the roads of Wirral for charity; I've never seen it before but it's a lot of fun. We took loads of photos, one or two of which might be ok.

In the afternoon Phil and I went to Ness Gardens for a wander and more photos....the weather was so gorgeous. When we got back I got supper in the oven and then took advantage of the lighter evenings by forking over my veggie patch and planting the rhubarb I bought at Ness. i also got some onion sets.

I'm trying not to think about work next week as we are possibly going to hear about our new staffing structure. I feel sick with nerves if I allow myself to think too much about it.

Looking up...
I've just spent the morning with my lovely friend J. Thanks for the coffee and the company; you are such a life-saver!!

What has happened to spring??? It's wet, windy and very cold today. Lucky I didn't do as I planned on Saturday and get out all my summer gear!

The chapel at Peckforton Castle

Thanks for the kind comments on work and my lovely Sian :) Today I tried to put worry aside and concentrated on the big "move round" of shelves etc we are doing in the library. It's a mammoth task but it's going well and feels as satisfying as spring cleaning!

The aboce photo was taken at the recent wedding shoot. I really hope the couple are happy. Phil was saying he can see an improvement in each wedding we do, but it's not what we think that matters! I was reasonably happy with my photos but i won't relax until i know the bride and groom are satisfied. I am so hoping that the next wedding we do enjoys decent weather as shooting two weddings on the trot in dark buildings and on chilly days has been hard going!!

Two photos of Sian, from a recent photo-shoot. Thanks for modelling for me, Sian!

It's been a strange few days. Work has not been going well; in fact, I can't remember a time when it's been worse...... oh, how I wish I could turn the clock back and do things differently!

Phil has been wonderful: helping me make sense of things and keep a sense of proportion when all I really wanted to do was take up permanent residence under the duvet.

I was very busy most of last week, finishing off editing wedding photos. The couple have them now, and I'm really hoping they are happy. We gave them a complimentary DVD with a selection of images set to music. I just found these nice DVD presentation cases online to put the disks in; looks so much nicer than a plain jewel case!

Mothers Day was lovely; the girls bought me some toiletries and a charm for my bracelet. But the most emotional moment for me was when Sian came to tell me poor Jade Goody had died. She hugged me and told me she didn't know what she'd do without me! Bless her. I always miss my mum so much on Mothers Day.

Poor Jade! I wasn't a fan but the thought of her dying so young, leaving those two beautiful little boys, is heart-breaking, and on Mothers Day too.

This beautiful ceiling is in one of the buildings on Liverpool's waterfront. I really love the design and the colour. Lower down (not visible here) there is that wonderful quotation
"They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters:
These see the works of the Lord, and his wonders in the deep."
Psalms (ch. CVII, v. 23-24)
I always get very emotional when I read that as my dad used to quote that to me - he was a sailor and always said he felt closer to God on the bridge of his ship, battling great waves, than he ever did in a church!

Not much new to say today - I'm busy editing photos from the wedding and catching up on chores before RDA this afternoon. J & I had a lovely long walk this morning :)

I almost forgot...we have frogspawn! Must be SOME frogs still alive & kicking in our pond after all!

How life feels...
I took this photo in St George's Hall. for some reason, looking at it today, it feels like my life feels! Well, I'm not saying that my life feels exactly as if I'm walking down a corridor which dead-ends in a potted plant! But there is something about all those doors...what's behind them?? The splash of light half-way down the corridor is making me think that however confined the route there's always a glimmer of hope to be found....

I didn't blog last week, mainly as I was in an ever increasing state of pre-wedding nerves before Saturday's shoot. However, it is now behind me, the next one isn't until Easter Saturday, and I can relax a little for now, although I have around 1000 images to edit over the next two weeks.

I've also been in a bit of a weird state of mind. I can't explain or describe it as I can't really put my finger on it myself. I'm worried about so many things I'm almost driving myself demented!

Not that long ago I was thinking of renaming this blog "The former compulsive worrier" as I thought I'd almost cured myself; bit previous in thinking that I'm now realising!

I've been busy, too, the wedding took up all of Saturday, Sunday we took Sian riding and in the afternoon A and I went over to Leeds to see the couple who are marrying on Easter Saturday. They are a lovely couple, both gorgeous, fun and really pleasant and the wedding itself sounds great - I'm looking forward to it! Today I went to Crewe Hall with A as I'm doing a wedding there at the end of May. a really fabulous location; I got a crick in my neck staring at all the elaborate ceilings and the wealth of carving everywhere.

Fairy cake..

After a very busy week, we are just chilling and doing domestic duties (like baking!) today.

Yesterday we made a quick visit to Peckforton Castle to check it out before the wedding we are doing next weekend. Phil had to make an urgent phone call to work and I wandered around outside. They have recently started to have birds of prey at the castle and presently the falconer came out and we got chatting. I met a few of the birds including Ollie the barn owl.

So I was VERY intrigued to see THIS story in the newspaper today! Please check it out to see what a starring role Ollie & Peckforton Castle are going to play in a famous Manchester United footballer Rio Ferdinand's wedding!!!

Brrrrr - seems to have gone very chilly suddenly today! I'm sitting on the sofa with a rug round me trying not to shiver. The photo is of my two blue glass bottles from spain and rain on the window, reflected in my granite work surface.

It's been such a busy few days. On Sunday we all went over to Wilmslow to have Sunday dinner with friends G & G ....mmm, lovely food! I took along my sticky toffee pudding by special request.

On Monday Phil and I went to FOCUS at the NEC in Birmingham. It was an interesting day although busy and crowded there. We met up with a few friends there including Caroline, adding a touch of glamour to the place as usual! Sadly all we bought was insurance....no nice new cameras or lenses!!

Yesterday I was back at work (still no news on the forthcoming closures) and today I went for a long walk with Jane, visited my photography boss Andy and then went to RDA. Phil & were supposed to be going to an inter-club competition (photography) tonight but he's stuck in work and can't get back to pick me up. I'm actually not sorry; I'm really tired.

Phil missed pancake night yesterday because he was stuck in a meeting and had to get a later train :(

I'm still really anxious, worrying about everything, fighting these massive waves of panic that keep sweeping over me. I wish I knew how to cope with this. I just don't know what to do...

A day out in Liverpool...

As it was the last day of half-term we decided to go over to Liverpool for the day with the girls. Phil had found out that St George's Hall was open with it's famous floor uncovered; this is quite a rare happening. Despite being life long residents of the area we'd never been inside this wonderful building nor seen the floor. It was only £1 to get in with under 16's free - a real bargain as there was loads to see. Best of all there were no restrictions on photography! I took loads! Above is the main hall with some of the mosaic floor visible. I love how the columns gleam in the light.

This is St George himself, I think! Very stern he looks too.

Two of the wonderful stained-glass windows; the colours are spectacular.

There is lots of interesting detail everywhere; these acorns are in the great hall too and
very lovely.

We also fitted in a bit of shopping and lunch and then wandered down to the Pier Head which has changed a lot with the Leeds/Liverpool canal now running through it. It's not finished yet but should be amazing when it is. The Museum of Liverpool building, due to be finished next year, also looks really promising.

We finished our day with a wander through India Buildings and down the old pedestrian entrance to James Street Station - this long sloping passageway is unchanged from when I used it 30 years ago when I worked in Liverpool - it felt as if I was stepping back in time!

Track day at Oulton Park

On Wednesday I went along to a track day at Oulton Park in Cheshire with my photography boss Andy and his family. His two sons race Porsches (the eldest won a championship last season!) I've always wondered what it would be like to drive around a race track really fast and this was my chance!

The race car doesn't have a passenger seat so Andy drove me round the course in his own Porsche. I had to wear a helmet: I felt like one of the Homepride flour sifter guys with that on my head. I was totally TERRIFIED before we set off; I was scared I'd be sick or scream or otherwise disgrace myself. Anyway, I totally LOVED it, it was really exciting.

I'm photographing the wedding of one of the other drivers on Easter Saturday (Adam) - his fab car is the one at the bottom of this post.

Andy's two sons with the race car.

Gorgeous black car!

Car on the track...

Cool blue Porsche


Adam's car

What a fantastic day I had - huge thanks to Andy, Marie and their sons. And to Sian who came too and took MUCH better photos of moving cars than I did!

I have spent a lot of time lately knitting tea cosies. I'm not a very skilled knitter - in fact, proper knits usually laugh at the way I knit!- but I find knitting relaxing and therapeutic. I learned to knit tea cosies from my grandma when I was young and recently got the urge to knit them again. I searched the net for a similar pattern to hers using blocks of colour and drawing the wool across the back to make a quilted effect. Isn't the internet wonderful? I found one :)

We now have far too many cosies but I can't seem to stop knitting them. Once the weather picks up I'll stop though as I only knit in cold weather.

I'm off most of this week as it's half-term; I'm looking forward to it. Work has been both busy and stressful lately. Now we know the closures are going ahead but none of the practicalities of how it's going to go ahead. Very unsettling!

Valentine's Day was lovely despite me being at work all day. We had a Chinese takeaway with the girls; and Phil and I shared a bottle of rose.I'd bought him some DVDs; he got me a charm and a clip for my bracelet. The charm was a teapot :)